It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
