how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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