To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
