Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
