if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
