He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he thought i was a dude.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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