Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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