dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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