Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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