you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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