It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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