Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
