we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
