I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
