I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
