So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
