Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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