just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
