I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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