need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
