Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
