Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
