kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
