it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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