my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
