I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
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My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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