He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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