I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
