Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
