i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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