theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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