Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
