stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
