Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
