at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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