things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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