How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
