this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
