Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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