yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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