I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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