Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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