i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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