soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
