at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
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