Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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