So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I didn't notice because vodka
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
