Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
