im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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