Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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