I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
