Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
