Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I did not marry a roomba.
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