There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
