Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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