just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
