then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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