Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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