It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
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almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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