My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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