I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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