Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
